Summer reading list

EVERYONE needs to take time to read. Our days fill up so quickly with who knows what. Ultimately, not matter how much we do, reading must be a part of our lives. As parents we need to show this for ourselves and to model for our children. I recently spoke with a dad who  will soundly admit that he does not read. In fact, he’s subscribed to 10 magazines online and hard copy and reads an online newspaper daily. His belief that he doesn’t read is off, but really he is saying I don’t read novels. It doesn’t matter what you read. Are you reading for a sustained time of approximately 30 minutes? Then you’re doing your body and brain a favor.

A list of summer reading book lists for tweens/teens. Ask your child to review these lists and create a list themselves of 5-10 books that they are interested in. I am planning a list for myself as well this summer. Then we’ll  take a trip to the library together. Sign up for the reading program at the library. There are GREAT programs for teens at the library with gift  cards and coupons for incentives.

http://childrensbooks.about.com/od/forparents/tp/summer_reading.htm

goodreads.com is a super site to join with your child. Read books together and then write reviews. Plan a parent/child book club with your child’s best friend and go out to lunch once a month and discuss the book the four of you read. ( See the link below)

http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/19083.Penguin_Teen_Summer_2012_

Here’s a list of books becoming available THIS summer. Brand new!

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&rh=n%3A565572%2Cp_n_publication_date%3A1250228011&page=1

teacher appreciation week

Whether you read this post during the “official” week or not, taking the time to have your children write a thank you note or make something for your teachers teaches important lessons in life. Adult role models mold our children into the people they become. Knowing that teachers are watching out for my children at school every day is comforting to me and deserves recognition.

Some ideas make flower pens with duct tape, a book mark, a beaded bracelet. Simply write thank you cards one night as a family to your teachers. Pick flowers from your garden.

Some sites to inspire you:

http://mat.usc.edu/teacher-appreciation-day-2012/

http://www.ed.gov/blog/2012/05/rethink-teacher-appreciation-week/

ideas

http://familyfun.go.com/holidays/great-ways-to-thank-teachers-702117/

 

Writing a note to your middle school child

Do you have  a card or note that you cherish?  Why not randomly write a note or card to your child? Share how beautifully you see him/her growing. Maybe he handled a situation particularly well recently. Maybe he was kind to his sister. Whatever big or small event, a note left on a bed or desk to open up can be words of encouragement at just the right time.

During middle school children face all sorts of times when they doubt themselves, don’t like themselves and are frustrated.   As parents we want to be a part of those times, but middle school students begin to separate from us and not always let us in.

In elementary school a parent told me she wrote notes on the napkins in her child’s lunch. When she forgot to do this, the daughter reminded her. Another parent keeps a journal for her daughter. This parent writes to her daughter periodically sharing her pride for her. Maybe after a band concert. Maybe as the daughter struggles through a change in friendships, the parent reflects on these challenges.

The written word is a blessing. Maybe a post it note in your middle school student’s planner? Maybe a note in the pocket of his coat?

A quick article that reinforced this point:

http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/9440-write-a-letter-to-your-child-expressing-how-much-you-care

Not a big writer yourself? Here’s a great site that actually suggests 7 words to include in your writing to your child:

http://singleparents.about.com/od/familyrelationships/tp/letter_to_child.htm

When you’ve had a “train-wreck” conversation with your pre-teen/teen, a note can be a super way to resolve the situation. This article supports that idea:

http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/communication/42922.html

How and when do you write to your child? Please share your ideas with other parents here.

Bully, the movie

If you haven’t begun to hear the rumblings about the controversial movie, Bully, you’ll hear more come this weekend.  The movie opened up across the country on Friday, April 13.  It’s a documentary filmed two years ago that outlines the challenges of parents and students when bullies attack and how schools respond. As districts continue to cut staff, support services and administration, parents and students need to be informed even more and act when bullying occurs. Knowledge is power. We want to empower our children to take a stand against bullying just as we would expect parents and schools to do.

A parenting unplugged podcast recently reported that for a special showing at a high school, the movie raised awareness and prompted kids to act. Increased reports of bullying on the bus and in gym locker rooms were reported by bystanders who before just ignored but after viewing the movie understood the value in taking an active stance.

the organization

http://thebullyproject.com/indexflash.html#/story

a blog from the Lee Hirsch; director, writer of film

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lee-hirsch/bully-has-a-timeless-issu_b_1424262.html

the movie trailer

http://www.amctheatres.com/movies/bully

For those Christian and for those not, The Christian Monitor reviews movies as any parent would appreciate helping us make the best decisions for our children. I feel like the authors write to the parents with the purpose of helping us to decide which movies to allow our children to see. The articles are principle-centered. Here the she reviews why or why not to view Bully.

http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Family/Modern-Parenthood/2012/0413/Parents-Should-you-take-your-child-to-Bully-the-movie

A Dad’s perspective on the movie:

http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2012/04/bully-movie-2/

Parenting Unplugged podcast: bullying

http://www.parentingunpluggedradio.com/2012/04/11/fighting-back-against-bullies/

I’ll be seeing it this weekend with my two children and will report back my thoughts. I hope to hear from you when you view the movie.

keeping your kids drugfree

There’s no guarantee. There’s no magic website or potion. Statistics on drugfree.org states, “Kids who learn a lot about the risks of drugs and alcohol from their parents are up to 50% less likely to use than those who do not.”

Talking about drugs with my kids is tough. Immediately the eyes rolls, they joke or laugh. Why? Because this information is uncomfortable. Parents who open communication with their kids via a news article, something that’s viewed on TV or a movie can begin to build an understanding that drugs and alcohol are uncomfortable to be around. There’s no instruction manual but there are MANY supportive sites. If you have a middle school child right now, it is time to begin these regular discussions. The absolute BEST website is

www.drugfree.org 

One suggestion that may work for you:

The other day two middle school children and their mom watched Starsky and Hutch the other day. The bad guys were dealing cocaine and Starsky and Hutch were trying to rid the world of these bad men. After the movie,  mom asked her kids what they knew about cocaine. They argued with her and said, “Mom, don’t make this a lesson, really!” There three of them talked about what they knew, and then she found a video clip from drugfree.org to show them more in depth.   She can handle their complaining. She believes it’s a sign of them being uncomfortable with the information. Ultimately, her kids know she’s in it. This mom is doing the tough work that parents need to do. It feels uncomfortable, but she won’t regret the time with her kids talking about and viewing a video on cocaine.

Please visit and explore the site above. Share what you found helpful,

All work and no play

Work, laundry, cleaning, fixing this, fixing that, cooking, organizing, reorganizing. Parents do so much for their children. Parenting is a time when we do things with them as well.

The tough part is now that our children are in middle school, their interests have changed and we have to work harder to play with them in creative ways. Think back to the days when our single-digit children would bring toys to us to play, ask us to play board games and always jump for joy when we said “Let’s go to the playground.”

Well, I’ve been in a rut lately catching up on work. It’s time for me to focus on doing things with my kids, and spring break is right around the corner. I’ll list some ideas and websites below but I need some creative, unique ideas. Please comment and share your best.

1. Play around the world at the basketball hoop.
2. Paint nails together.
3. Walk to the 711 for a Slurpie
4. Grab a remote control and play
5. Draw together
6. rock climbing together at local rec center
7. Jump in trampoline
8. Play duet on piano

I need more ideas. What are yours?

Want to go out and about in Colorado? Lots of ideas and coupons here!

http://www.denverkids.com/

A local mom and blogger offering great suggestions. My favorite idea is how to get discounted tickets to Denver Performing Arts.

http://blog.frontrange.edu/2012/03/07/spring-break-budget-minded-and-family-friendly-ideas/

Found an article by chance that reminds parents playing video games with teens builds relationships! Put down the vacuum cleaner and go have fun!

http://www.fyiliving.com/health-news/want-a-better-relationship-with-your-teen-play-video-games/

This site begins discussing how to play with your small children. Keep reading because it ends with wisdom and ideas for the tween/teen.  I really liked this one section, so I’ve copied and pasted it below for you.

http://www.preteen-thru-teenage-parenting-action-guide.com/parenting-fun.html

Whatever we dedicate our time and attention to usually turns out pretty good, especially if we don’t quit and see our projects through to their successful completion.

Where do you find yourself spending most of your time and attention these days?

If you don’t have much Parenting Fun anymore, it might be because your time and attention and best efforts are somewhere other than in being a Parent.

If your career makes you Super Happy and your children always seem to drive you nuts, then perhaps you are focusing your energy into activities that are not helping you to be the Parent you need to be?

Don’t complain at the results of your Parenting if you aren’t putting your best time and efforts into where they need to be as regards your children and home life.

Even the most promising of gardens can quickly become chocked with weeds if neglected for too long.

Children, Families and Happy Parenting are no exceptions.

girls only

A conversation with a mom last week brought back a familiar pain: the indiscreet bullying of girls. One of my biggest fears was how my daughter would survive the friendship drama of middle school. The helplessness of affecting what happens is that familiar pain returning from long ago. Thankfully resources to learn about the complexities of girls have exploded over the years. How do we teach something that we haven’t mastered ourselves? It’s a daunting question. Knowledge is the power parents need. What resources have you found valuable? Please share.

Rachel Simmons, the woman who really opened up the issue and began speaking frankly about girl bullying.

http://www.rachelsimmons.com/

Video from the Today Show: How parents can help

http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2012/02/rachel-talks-with-the-today-show-about-how-parents-can-deal-with-bullying/

bully-proofing your child

http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/11/living/bully-proof-kids-hetter/index.html

A well known project for parents/girls worthy of investigating

http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/index.htm

sites for your daughter to explore

http://www.girlshealth.gov/bullying/

the difference between girl and boy bullying

http://teenadvice.about.com/od/violencebullying/a/girlbullies.htm

Book talk: Staying Connected to your Teenager by Michael Riera, Ph.D.

Looking for a book to read? This one is super. My favorite parenting book. It’s the one I’ve actually read cover to cover

(except one chapter on driving-but I’ll get to that chapter in a few years).

I’d like to share some “rockstar” parenting suggestions:

1. Riera states, ” Midnight and beyond is the time of deep conversation for most adolescents, even though for most of their parents it is the occasion of much deserved REM sleep.”(pg. 11) Our cycles are so different, so remembering this I have made sure to stay up once in a while and spend some silent time with my son while he’s on the xbox late at night or just to chat with him prior to turning out the lights for the night.  Riera mentions, “The truth is that when they aren’t too busy to talk with us, we aren’t around, we’re usually asleep.” ( pg. 15) One parent in the book admitted to going to sleep and setting her alarm for 1am and walking down just to sit with her daughter on the couch late at night saying she couldn’t sleep. The parent says it’s the best fib she’s told and one that provided opportunities for deep conversations between the two.

2. Riera reminds me of the importance of silence. I’m a talker. I am. If I want to continue to build a healthy relationship with my teen, I need to shut up and listen. He says, “Your silent presence reassures her that you are safe to open up to and that you believe in her.” (pg. 17) This is so important especially on those rare times she opens up and shares something with me. I better keep my judgements to myself if I want to build trust. Riera says if you stay “present and silent” during a conversation in which your child knows produces anxiety for you this will build trust.

3. Riera says that while I have been the manager of my child’s life for the last 12 years, I now have a new role once my child becomes a teenager. I must now take on the role of consultant. This is an interesting concept and one that helped me shift my parenting styles to fit the age of my own child.

I could go on and on and on but three is the magic number to keep anyone reading, so I’ll stop here. Pick up the book and be sure to read the chapter on Narcissism on pg 31. Learn about a super idea using passcodes pg. 114 and playing the “boss game” on pg 113.

I REALLY hope this link works for you. It’s a video of Mike Riera speaking to a parent group in California. He’s so dynamic and just makes super connections with parents. I hope his message connects with you.

http://www.gotocoffeebreak.com/305-2/

Anyone read a great parenting book lately? Share!

consistent expectations

A speaker (Lance Carl, director of student motivation  for College in Colorado) last week shared his parenting technique of welcoming only A’s and B’s into his household. That’s right. No C’s. When a C entered his house, his son had to text his coach immediately that he was no longer allowed to practice, had to then give his dad his phone and had no screen privileges. This boy is 14 years old. There’s no discussion. No bargaining. No exceptions. That’s the rule. Is it that easy? Many parents hope to be able to step further out of their child’s life in middle school when really their parenting style must just be redefined. Setting these clear expectations seems to work for our speaker. When searching for supportive websites and experts, I found very little on the subject.  What are your rules and expectations for achieving in your home? How are they followed consistently?  

Suggestions for dealing with bad grades in middle school

http://www.parentsconnect.com/parenting-your-kids/parenting/positive-parenting/dealing_with_academic_trouble.html

Learn from other parents: A parenting blog with lots of responses on how to handle poor grades.

http://learning.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/16/how-should-parents-handle-a-bad-report-card/

Tips for parents when children bring home bad grades

http://www.healthcentral.com/adhd/c/1443/123629/parents-dealing-grade

Asking the “right” questions about school

Just the other day while going through the pocket of my son’s jeans before stuffing them into the laundry, I found a pencil shorter than  a toothpick! How could he write with that? Many students do unfortunately. Students will NOT think to ask for more pencils. It’s just who they are developmentally.

As a parent this situation reminds me to remember to ask questions about school that lead to helpful information. I often ask, “How was your day?”   or “Do you have any homework?” Those questions rarely leads to any answer more than one word and often those questions are not answered truthfully.

Middle school parents must continue to wade through their children’s lives actively and asking more specific questions is one productive technique. Questions with value to consider:

• Who did you eat lunch with today? Give me one word to describe that person. Who is that person most like ( someone I would know  also)? 
• Who are you sitting next to in class? How is that working out for your learning?
• What is the last book that you’ve read? Describe a character in that book. What lesson is he/she learning in the story?
• What work are you learning about in _____________? What is most interesting in that class? Does this class have more daily assignments or big projects?
• Describe what your locker would look like if  I were to open it. Which of your supplies are torn or unusable? How many pencils do you have? How are the erasers on those pencils?
• Who is the teacher you would turn to if you needed something in school? Why?
• Who has a locker next to yours? Tell me what type of person he/she is.
• Share one success and  one challenge from school today.
• Share a funny story from one of your classes. 

These are just a sampling of questions that will give parents specific questions to ask once in a while. Parent should spread them out throughout the week. A middle school child may not “seem” like he appreciates these questions but he really does. Kids begin to see the dysfunction in other kids’ families and grow to appreciate their own during these middle years.  Be patient. Staying in his life is NOT optional. Parents are transitioning from manager to consultant as a parent but that just means that they have to refine their techniques. Asking the right questions is a valuable tool in the parenting tool box. Please share your thoughts below. We’d love to hear the successful questions you pose.

Questions to ask your child about his/her life online:

http://www.childrenonline.org/newsletters/April11.pdf

Does your child feel like you ask too many questions? Find some laughs and support here!

http://kidshealth.org/kid/talk/kidssay/poll_parents.html

An article from Scholastic on asking questions

http://www.scholastic.com/parents/index.php?cID=632

An article from PBS reminding parents that they should have a goal in mind when asking questions

http://www.pbs.org/parents/goingtoschool/talk_child.html

How to ask questions about bullying

http://www.pacer.org/publications/bullypdf/BP-2.pdf